Accept Yourself

October 6, 2008

We started seeing the competitive world, sometime cursing our fate for not being the “best” of the world. We started to feel jealous with an illusion that other one is superior then us may not be in quality but in satisfying her need or situation at current instance. At one aspect, jealousness can be an outcome of alternative need.

These jealousness may lead to frustration and some times into anger.

Why we feel something like that? is It some short of deficiency or luck? We try to find references in dozens of books about how to grow, mental peace and other personal affairs. But we hardly implemented any of them, most of the books just extended their stories and provide some way comparative environmental generalized view, which may not be suitable for us.

Many researches shows that motivational factor is one of powerful candidate at employee’s success. It is one of the accelerating agent in  having good professional life and personal too. Let’s analyze, why we think we can’t and all relative absurd feelings. From my view, most important thing is first we should understand our power and dimensions at different levels which may require segregation at different levels. It is better to analyze self potential.

We should understand that nobody is perfect, so we may found ourself less capable at some points and more capable at others. We can further categorize factors as which are by birth or can be developed. Now for ‘by birth’ capability like leadership, we are having little chance to improve but it never means that we should not try to improve it, knowing the complexity, if we try to do micro-analysis then we can find that improvement over one factor minutely affect many others. For sake of understanding, if we try to improve our leadership skill then our managerial capability will have direct impact to it. Once we keep chart of our capability and losses. We can differ our thoughts toward our personal and professional development.

It is also true that we can’t improve something at benchmark level, fortunately, even not required due to inversion of one factor to another,  like improving management skill to extreme level may lead to some detoriation in inter team skills in the role as a coleauge or as a friend.  Because management somewhat related to ‘using emotions’ rather than expressing it. So we should have our future plan ready and ‘nearly’ perfect mix of quality required to achieve that.

Secondly accept yourself. Don’t look others to whom you think supersedes you in any way. If you are looking you can’t progress.

Healthy competition don’t deal with comparing factors but with variation in the end results. If both are fighting for one target than first snatcher will be the winner or alternatively the one who scored higher in their respective unit. Be a liar to the word but not to yourself, you should know your exact potential and capabilities.

Many time we hear people stating that one incapable person got such a good result like that person is having very less knowledge then others but he/she is earning many folds than me and in similar fashion. Here comes the role of Xfactor, as these factors are directly not visible and hardly communicated, we use to oversee them. Some are having enriched amount of Xfactor which are most essential constitutes of success. I will further elaborate success in coming articles.

So remember, accept the way god have blessed you and try to utilize it for maximum benefits. Try to improve your skill and skills intelligence too.

*Initial Draft

*In revision.


The Hidden Surface

August 10, 2008

1. Do you think that you not representing what you really wants?

2. Do you think that whatever decision you are taking is not best?

3. Do you want to overcome from illusion of perfectness?

4. Do you want to know what ‘your special one(s)’ wants?

5.Whatever bad decision of your life may be because of lack of analysis of circumstances, external pressure and maturity/understanding level relative to domain!!

If any responds as affirmative, then this post may help you a lot.

I strongly believe that there may be huge difference between instant reaction and thorough analysis(which may lead to good decision making). Why sometimes we do some activity and realize it may not be worthy or even it is a mistake and try to make relations better while others  quickly realize the after effect and be quite careful while doing such things! Generally level of danger of instant reaction vary according to your status and position or in a direct manner, level of person may get influenced by you. You can’t expect any celebrity to object on  universal constraints(If they do then their will good gossip for news channel; simply one week dose :D)  .

What we feel may not be correct. We generally in the state of pretending something else that may not have any interaction with out state of heart/mind or beliefs. It is really very difficult to check assertion of the acts. Without conclusion and deep analysis whatever we do may be jumbled outcome of our biasing mind and emotional suppression. It can be taken as statement that we are having biased mind. If we claim we don’t; then that’s because of obscuring this fact by changing state of mind and hiding relative symptoms by giving more stress to your body language. That biasing may arise especially from our past experience and level of attraction which differ between individuals. There may be huge difference and may not be contravene, when we are prerogative to take decisions and when we do deep analysis due to situation or competitiveness.(A good example can be behavior difference between life before marriage and after). Generally in the state of excessive possessiveness or frustration, the part of our mind which try to distinguish good and bad may start diminishing  control over our decision or acts. I am having lack of knowledge in psychological categorization of state of mind for liking or disliking. Next time, when you really dislike some one then stop for a moment and think whether you really do, that may be temporal state or something which is annoying or irritating you. If we look deep into the things, irritation may be combined effect of situations. Its really very difficult to claim that situational and environmental state can not have any impact on our thoughts. So next time don’t claim that your personal problems may not creep into your work although by practice you can minimize its effect, which can shape into successful career.

Many researches explained that communication skill is one of the most important factor for everyone’s success. According to E.I., explaining emotions is one of the candidate of successful relations.

Just to give some proofs of the facts explained in above paras. We usually behave abnormally while we drink too much, but many times we react in similar fashion(i.e. some like to speak in english, laugh or sing). Many of us have strong belief that we say almost correct when we drink and some of them who don’t say may still using mind in that condition. Why, what happened when we drink! It just represent unconscious state of our mind that means we want to do that but we are controlling ourselves using our mind, so we started giving more importance to our heart, the desire. Mainly this is due to some facts. First, we are living in society and to be in accordance to social beliefs make our life easy. So obviously we can’t workaround on first. In my view ‘Society is not having any problem, if we are not directly disturbing other’s personal’.  Others are “fear factor” and puzzled mind. It should be mentioned that only mind is responsible for “bad” part of our life. Heart is very innocent and true in every scenario but of course, it takes input from mind. This again state that mostly we don’t react in the way we want. It is universal truth that mind can not supersede heart, although we can change the ratio, giving more stress over brain may lead to robotic life rather then living human being. I think many successful professional already adopted using mind instead of heart. But they are not having good personal life. They generally may use term ‘sacrifice’, but ‘mismanagement’ may be the right word.

Another sequence may be regarding importance. We know preferences regarding  importance of every person but we deny to accept. Usually, three most important person(s)/group in our life are

1. The one, who loves you: Because that may be the biggest reason of your existence, that one know your real importance and worth, specially what you deserves and for him/her, you may be the most important person.

2. The one, who is your love: He/She is surely most important for you. Your all happiness and pain is associated with him/her. You just want what’s best for him/her.

3. Group, which helped you in different part of our life and especially one who is with you at your worst moments. It may include your best friends, family and mentors: Because of them you are here. Never forget their help and support in your life.

I just want to add two thoughts, I am not against flirting. It may be good, but I am against the one who usually play with emotions. Do flirting with truth, never use words like love,hate, trust,marriage and when you actually don’t because you may not only spoiling purity of the words but you also reducing the importance of thing by using that for craps. If you think that you are big flirty, try to say straight and make the thing happens. Playing with someone’s emotions/life for personal benefits is the cheapest activity in my view. Secondly, don’t say anything which you can’t commit. If you have done this, explain things immediately.

So far, we discussed about changes in view but how we can overcome this? In the simplest, there is only one way i.e. by practice. We already know importance of saying truth at right time. We only need to realize it and neglect factor which can divert from this such as fear of consequences, environmental conditions and important one, lack of self confidence i.e. you think you can’t. Another related to variation of quality such as self respect may turns into overwhelming proud, egoism may turns into arrogance, shyness may turns into fear and diffidence may turns into timidness. We should be down to earth at any condition. This can happen by only one truth that remember, someone in the world is far better than you in everything you claims and surely may have additional “down to earth” quality.

The best way to practicing it:

1. Always take time of few seconds before speaking. Think of choosing better word, specially when you are excited or much emotional.

2. Don’t say anything in the state of aggressiveness.

3. If you doubt something then ask to recipient instantly. Don’t take anything to your heart. If something hurt you, say instantly that you don’t liked that. If you don’t then its your mistake because no one in the world is having power to read your mind. It is very possible that you may not interpreted in right manner. Please remember that we are human being and we can do mistakes easily so its far better to say on spot.  Time difference in saying instantly or after some time , may lead to big quarrel. If someone is close to you then you should not give them chance to keep guessing what happened wrong. Say atleast once.

Don’t get hurt by your own mistakes. Asking thing which pinched you at right time is your rights and can be very helpful for others. So don’t be silent next time when something pinched you, say straight and this is nothing to do with self respect or egoism. In simplest, if you still feel uncomfortable then just close your eyes, keep your mind free and start bursting on one at other end, remember don’t think at all while doing this activity because it is your rights.

4. Follow expert gurus of this: You can follow many celebrities you keeps on practicing such activity. Study their behavior when they use to distribute their words. Take feedback from your friends.

5. self revision: Check state when you told something inconvenient. Next time when you face same situation be a bit careful.

6. Take advice from seniors, they are having quite good experience of this and you can also find some mishaps only because of this.

*In revision

I request you that provide your comments online, it helps me to improve articles/posts.